textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
