The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
