I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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