I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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