wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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