I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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