No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Someone signed my nipple.
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