Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
