tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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