I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
