You smell like stripper and shame
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
