Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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