i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
