I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
