There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
