I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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