so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
