McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
