oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
