Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
someone threw a dead crab at me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
