The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
