when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
