My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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