Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
