this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
