Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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