is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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