The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
