It's Friday. Sex?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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