We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
