Moan for me like Helen Keller
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
