I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
