Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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