Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
