giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
