i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
