while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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