I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
