I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Drunk is a universal language darling
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