direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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