I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
