your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i out mim tonsoeep
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