I'm going to jail i love you
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
All the doctor said was why
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
