i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
