Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
