i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
