We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
