Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
