I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
