I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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